We often become frustrated when a customer will not accept what we are saying.
We explain the situation. We explain it again (and again) in a slightly different way. We provide the reasons, quote the policy or explain why the decision has been made. Yet the customer continues to argue and disagree.
We may assume they haven’t understood, so we repeat our explanation, becoming trapped in a cycle of explanations followed by counter-arguments.
But there is another possibility:
The customer has understood what you are saying. They just do not accept it.
An important question is: do they have to accept what you are saying to comply with it?
If they are asking for something that is against your organisation’s policy, they may never accept the decision, but they may still have to comply with it. Trying to make them accept it, or trying to ‘win’ the argument, can simply increase the emotional temperature.
It is easy to fall into the trap of believing that you must resolve the disagreement to resolve the situation.
You don’t.
In many customer-facing roles, disagreement is inevitable. You may be telling someone they cannot have a refund, there are no appointments available today, or something they want simply isn’t possible.
No amount of excellent communication can guarantee they will be happy with that outcome.
What are we actually trying to achieve?
Imagine a debt collection conversation. The customer disputes a charge and believes it is unfair. The staff member explains why the money is owed.
Does the customer need to agree that the charge is fair before agreeing to pay it?
Not necessarily.
The conversation might finish with the customer saying:
“I still think it’s ridiculous, but I’ll make the payment.”
The disagreement hasn’t been resolved, but from a practical point of view the conversation has achieved its objective.
Agreement and cooperation are not the same thing.
Managing our own part in the conflict
While we cannot always control how the customer behaves, we can manage our own behaviour and contributions to the conversation.
The client may continue to disagree, repeat themselves or try to draw us back into the argument. We don’t have to follow them there.
We can choose not to repeat the same explanation for the fifth time. We can resist correcting every point. We can avoid becoming defensive or allowing their frustration to become ours.
This doesn’t mean becoming passive. We can remain clear, assertive and set appropriate boundaries while staying aware of our tone, language and behaviour.
In any challenging conversations, both people influence what happens next. We may have limited control over the client’s contribution, but we retain considerable control over our own.
Sometimes one of the most effective conflict management skills is recognising when you have said enough.
The customer can continue to disagree without us continuing the argument.
Sometimes success is simply getting an unhappy person and an unhappy situation to a safe, professional and workable next step, even if that step is to agree to disagree (agreeably or not!).
If you would like to improve your employees conflict management skills we offer training courses customised to your needs. Get in touch.